It's Cyclical.

So what I've been thinking about all day has been how songs go with moods or get connotations from the mood you're in when you listen to them. Like, today, I've listened to Emilie Autumn's Opheliac album and Sarah Jaffe's Glorified High. Glorified High has given me a really nice mood, I always feel good with that song and today just solidified that. It just feels like the right song.

The Opheliac album is an interesting thing, though. For a really long time I had a lot of anxiety when it came to that album. A lot. The age of 15 was a weird time for me, I had a lot of bad memories connected to it, and one day I just stopped listening to it. I really steered away from EA all together. All through Freshman year of high school, I was just rough. Real rough and Opheliac was the most prominent thing of that time in my life so, naturally, it would bear the brunt of the anxiety. Around half way through my 15th year on this fabulous Earth, I weened off of it, slowly and surely, and once off, anytime I went back I got this "ughhhhhh" feeling in the pit of my stomach, so I ultimately left it all. And then I began to leave twitter, forums, and all the like in concert to EA. Even keeping in touch with VeVa, which was a whole other pit of anxiety (that I haven't fully recovered from). The last email I sent her at that time was just...cfbewuklvfkyeah. I'd check things from time to time, but not too often. Now, in the last month, with the new album and finally seeing her in concert again, I've gone backwards. I listened to the new album sparsely, went to the concert, rekindled all my asylum fire and this passed week, I've been getting back into Opheliac and it's really been a good feeling, a liberating feeling. It's helped me put a cap on things that are coming back together in my life. I can finally listen to it again, so I am growing up and out. I like that feeling. I'm just starting to appreciate things in life rather than dwell on their bad sides. I'm kind of loving it.

It's cyclical. Life is. The fact that I came into high school with EA, now I'm leaving with a whole new, better appreciation for her, with a new album and all, I just find it cool and, well, telling. I'm changed. My world is changed. I'm just really proud.